Parents, I understand not being able to get along, afterall that was the whole point of the divorce, right? However, it is imperative that you do and that you do for the sake of your child(ren) and for your own sake also. Here are some tips to do that:
1. Parents must talk to each other. If this cannot be done in a civilized manner, parents should use email. But, they must find a way to communicate. Screaming at the other parent does nothing. think if you were to get screamed at, would you respond kindly? Topics can cause emotion and one or both of you may not be ready to talk. Saying something like, "I want to continue this, however I can't right now. I will call you back." And then followng through.
2. Parents PLEASE do not "bad mouth" the other. If children hear this type of behavior it forces them to take sides. They feel that they are a part of each of you and when you cut the other one down they feel cut down.
3. Parents try to come to an agreement on matters of the child(ren). When conflicts arise about matters pertaining to them, they feel like they caused the problems.
4. Each parent should encourage the child(ren) to call and let them know when they have something important in their life to share. For example: loosing a tooth, learning to ride a bike, getting a good grade, etc.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Children's Rights
As you proceed with the process of dissolving your martial relationship, parents should recognize and acknowledge the following minimum rights of their child (ren):
- The right to a continuing relationship with both parents.
- The right to be treated as an important human being with unique feelings, ideas, and desires.
- The right to continuing care and guidance from both parents.
- The right to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent degrading the other.
- The right to express love, affection, and respect for each parent without having to stifle that love because of fear of disapproval by the other parent.
- The right to know that the parents' decision to divorce was not the responsibility of the child (ren).
- The right to not be a source of argument between the parents.
- The right to honest answers to questions about the changing family relationships.
- The right to be able to experience regular and consistent contact with both parents and to know the reason for cancellation of time or change of plans.
- The right to have a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Mediation is Possible
What Is Mediation?
Mediation brings people in conflict together with a neutral third person who assists them in reaching a voluntary agreement. The mediator helps them clarify the issues, consider options, and reach a workable settlement that fits their needs.
What Is the Relationship between Mediation and the Law?
Mediation doesn’t rely on specific points of law. People solve their own problems by looking to the future instead of finding fault or blame. In contrast, the courts make judgments based upon the law, and rules limit what can be considered. Courts may be unable to address the genuine issues or causes of a dispute and may not focus on individual circumstances. If you want one of the benefits of court procedure - enforceability - your mediation agreement can be written saying that it is intended to be legally binding and then be filed in court.
What Are the Advantages to Mediation?
You get to decide: The responsibility and authority for coming to an agreement remain with the people who have the conflict. The dispute is viewed as a problem to be solved. Many individuals prefer making their own choices when there are complex tradeoffs, rather than giving that power to a judge.
Higher satisfaction: Participants in mediation report higher satisfaction rates than people who go to court. Because of their active involvement, they have a higher commitment to upholding the settlement than people who have a judge decide for them. Mediations end in agreement 70 to 80% of the time and have high rates of compliance.
Faster than going to court: Years may pass before a case comes to trial, while a mediated agreement may be obtained in a couple of hours or in sessions over a few weeks.
Mediation brings people in conflict together with a neutral third person who assists them in reaching a voluntary agreement. The mediator helps them clarify the issues, consider options, and reach a workable settlement that fits their needs.
What Is the Relationship between Mediation and the Law?
Mediation doesn’t rely on specific points of law. People solve their own problems by looking to the future instead of finding fault or blame. In contrast, the courts make judgments based upon the law, and rules limit what can be considered. Courts may be unable to address the genuine issues or causes of a dispute and may not focus on individual circumstances. If you want one of the benefits of court procedure - enforceability - your mediation agreement can be written saying that it is intended to be legally binding and then be filed in court.
What Are the Advantages to Mediation?
You get to decide: The responsibility and authority for coming to an agreement remain with the people who have the conflict. The dispute is viewed as a problem to be solved. Many individuals prefer making their own choices when there are complex tradeoffs, rather than giving that power to a judge.
Higher satisfaction: Participants in mediation report higher satisfaction rates than people who go to court. Because of their active involvement, they have a higher commitment to upholding the settlement than people who have a judge decide for them. Mediations end in agreement 70 to 80% of the time and have high rates of compliance.
Faster than going to court: Years may pass before a case comes to trial, while a mediated agreement may be obtained in a couple of hours or in sessions over a few weeks.
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